Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
