My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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