i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
