if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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