I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize