If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
