My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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