It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
