ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
Randomize
