Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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