you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
