You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
