NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize