had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
