Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
