i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
