You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize