I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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