bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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