she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
as a side note pls kill me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
