Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
