If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
