my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
