Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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