remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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