They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's the barista slut.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
