nut hugger
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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