So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
