Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i've created a new STD.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
