Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
