I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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