I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
