Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How does one acquire holy water?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize