i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
