a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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