Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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