But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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