I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she pinky promised me she was 18
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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