Who wears a wallet chain?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
