oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
