dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
