arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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