You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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