Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just invented taco cereal.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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