This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
