If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
