You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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