Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize