I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How does it feel to date your dad?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
