I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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