i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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