South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
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