all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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