im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
