We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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