That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize