Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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