ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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