i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
