my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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