Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
