you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
