Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
