God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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