I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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