Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You are a genius and a whore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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