if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
