i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
